Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Meltdown Over The Dishpan

I went to my parents' house for dinner with two of my brothers which, with the addition of a spouse, a niece and two nephews, equaled dinner for nine.  Spaghetti with homemade sauce and meatballs, garlic bread and salad.

I was a hot mess.  I actually don't get worked up or stressed out all that much - especially overtly - but this computer business threw me for a loop and I was not good company.

Not my mother's dishpan, but it will do.
I took over dishes after supper because I needed to do something to occupy myself.  I could feel tears building up and could tell I wasn't going to be successful at keeping a lid on them.

Sure enough, wrist deep in dishwater, I had tears streaming down my face.  My mother came over and assured me everything was going to be fine; she was going to write me a check for the CPU (the tower part - hard drive - of a desktop computer) as it was "only" $298.00 at Walmart.  That made me cry harder.

"I'm almost forty-six years old," I wailed quietly.  "It's not supposed to be this way."  ("It" being joblessness; low income; needing to accept help from my parents.)

I want to reiterate that I'm pretty good at managing stress and such.  Most of the time I can rise above it after looking it in the eye and acknowledging it; giving it its measure of time and then moving forward.

Tonight, not so much.  I came home early because that's what I needed to do.  There are still tears trickling down my face and there might be more wailing before the night is over.

And that's okay.  I'm looking stress, fear and a bit of self-pity in the face.  I'm acknowledging them and giving them their measure of time.  Then I'll move forward.

Tomorrow, I'll go to the bank and deposit that check, then I'll go to Walmart to get the CPU.  And move that picture to where it's supposed to be in this post, since Blogger mobile won't let me.

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